This past week, I was privileged to go join Yunxia's home (some of you know her as Midea....she stayed with my family for Christmas in 2008). I was invited my first year in China, but because I went to Shanghai and spent Christmas with her in 2009, I didn't want to go see her again a month and a half later. I was going to go last year, but her grandmother passed away in December, and it would have been inappropriate and awkward for her and her family for me to have been there. Thankfully, I was able to oblige her request and flew to Wuhan. From there, I took a 4 hour train ride to her hometown. It was snowing upon arrival, and pretty much the coldest I've ever been. (Florida girl doesn't do so well with freezing temps...I like my flip flops and shorts!) To top it off, they don't have centralized heating or A.C. They prefer to use something called a "kong tiao"--kinda like a wall unit. Only, they don't exactly use them often...because that's expensive and wasting energy. So, my fingers never got past being numb!
I arrived on a Saturday night and we ate hot pot, which is just like it sounds. It's a pot in the center of the table that is cooking, and you throw in meat first (usually) and then the veggies. Everyone just grabs what they want out of it, and eats it from their bowl. For some of you, this would take some getting used to. It's like double-dipping...non-stop. However, that's pretty much every meal here. I have come to appreciate chopsticks, or "kuai zi" for what they are...they actually make more sense to me now than forks do. They balance really nicely on your bowl when you're not using them, and you can't stab yourself with them. You very gracefully pick up food (or scoop) and place it in your mouth. I decided that I like them a lot.
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The next morning, Midea and I awoke to her mom giving us gifts in bed (Christmas all over again?). Inside a bracelet box was a beautifully woven red string with three gold beads...real gold. This thing fits my wrist perfectly. They had it custom made (not sure how they made it to fit me so well, but they did. Now, I'm unable to get it off...but that's ok, I like it!). I was a bit shocked that they also bought me a gift. I immediately felt like part of the family.
Pretty much for the next 3 days, all we did was eat, sit around, talk, play games, or watch t.v. It was too cold to go out walking around or shopping. On Wednesday, after the affairs of eating at so-and-so's house or "my dad's father's younger brother...who is actually younger than my father but we go to his house last because he's got the biggest honor"...stuff I don't quite understand, we went shopping for a few hours at a mall.
I was kinda craving some coffee. I'd had a bit of a withdraw and there was either KFC or McDonald's that would have some. I know, not that great, but...I went for Mickey D's. I thought for once, this would be my opportunity to treat them and a small gesture of "thanks for the week here", but NOOOO....I got my coffee, and they all ordered what they felt they could drink (they don't like coffee, tea or soda), so they ended up with this drink (that I'm pretty sure is just for China's Mickey D's) that was some sort of strawberry milk-ish stuff. Looked kinda gross...and when I tasted it, I made a face. Too sweet! How were they drinking it, I don't know! They also ordered some pies (not apple pies)...pineapple and taro. They were both gross. They got two of both. Total, it was over 50 kuai, and they wouldn't let me pay. I enjoyed my coffee, they paid...and they forced themselves to finish everything. I felt super selfish and silly. We all left saying, "不好吃," which means not good eat- literally.
I enjoyed the time I spent living in the house with Midea. Just to give you a taste of how most Chinese live, and how they treat a foreigner in their house, I'll try to share a bit more. I went with the flow and did what they did, when they did it. I packed accordingly. Knowing that Chinese will wear the same outer clothing for days, until showering the next time, I packed only 3 outfits for 6 days. I also brought my own towel, because they only use what we would call a hand towel to dry off with after a shower. (In case you're wondering, mom, I only took 2 showers...talk about greasy hair!) Every morning, I would wake up and pour hot water into a basin that was in the sink and wash my face and brush my teeth. You can't imagine how cold my fingers were when I didn't use hot water (which I did, because it was too much trouble and got my clothes much more wet if I used the basin instead of the faucet with ice cold water). Then her dad would call us to eat--about ...on average 5 times before she'd show up. I probably came at about the 3rd time, not wanting to be too eager to eat (thus making them think I was super hungry and placing food in my bowl for me to eat more), and not wanting to be disobedient. The meal that followed, was usually followed by me tuning out, due to the fact that their mandarin wasn't standard and I didn't understand most of it. Occasionally, I could tell they were talking about me or to me, and I'd kind of look at Midea to translate or say it more clearly in standard mandarin. Then, I'd respond the best I could. This is how most of our conversations went. Oh, I forgot to mention the eyes that would open wide and the decibels that got ...eh...much louder upon trying to communicate with me. Typical, I suppose. My response, always being a quiet one (also typical). Upon finishing the meal, I was not allowed to touch a thing. Not even stack dishes or wipe the table. If I did, her mom would yell at me, point to her hands and say, "You'll get your hands dirty. Look at my hands. You don't get your hands dirty." If I followed her into the kitchen, to bring back hot pads, dirty dishes or napkins to throw away, I was watched and then shooed out. Let's just say, I've learned a lot from China about being hospitable. The most important thing is that you're comfortable and that your tummy is full. So all day, I heard "吃吃吃" (eat, eat, eat). Also, as for the "kong tiao"--or wall unit for heat, we would turn it on before we went to bed, and then once under the covers, we'd turn it off. During breakfast, all windows were opened (remember, there's snow on the ground outside!)...and I was thinking to myself, "why are we torturing ourselves and wearing every article of clothing we possibly could?"
One tradition of Chinese New Year, is eating fish. We ate lots of fish--it is the "good luck" food. Kim made a good point a week ago about it. She said, "Why do they eat fish for good luck? It is the most unlucky food ever! So many bones to spit back out!" So true. I relayed this to Midea, and she didn't have much to say to it. Didn't even laugh. eh. oh well. I tried!
Another tradition is that the adults give the children a red envelope, called a "hong bao." Inside the envelope they put money. It's called "ya sui qian"- which means push the age away money. I guess the more you get, the younger you'll be, or the younger you'll stay? I knew about this tradition, but after receiving the pretty, expensive bracelet earlier in the week, and based on the fact that Midea and I aren't children, I didn't think about not getting one. The night before I left, her mother placed one in my lap, and I didn't know what to do. Should I accept it? I don't want their money. I'm not their daughter! Sweet gesture, but they've already let me stay with them and fed me and entertained me...why money too? It's not a part of our culture. Usually if you stay with someone, you give them gifts, right? Why were they showering me with gifts? This, I have learned, is also a huge part of Chinese culture. No matter how uncomfortable I am receiving gifts like that or how I may try to skirt around those types of occurrences, it never ceases to catch me off guard, and feeling quite awkward.
Upon returning to Kunming last night, I felt a sudden feeling of "I'm home!" I felt this while at FSU as well. I loved returning home from travels, and I still do. I marveled however that this could actually feel like home to me now. After making many trips in and out of the tiny Kunming airport, I realized that I felt comfortable here. I knew where to walk outside of the airport so I didn't have to wait for a taxi. I knew where I was and there was even an English song playing on the radio. I had a conversation with the taxi driver all the way home, and helped him figure out how to go out to the main road, once he left through the back gate of my neighborhood. I saw the stars in the sky as I rolled my suitcase along the pebbled walk and breathed in the fresh, cool air. The mixture of bamboo trees and palms and beautiful gardens surrounded me, and I thought to myself, "It feels so good to be home"....
All day today, as I did laundry and read a book from my kindle, with windows open and warm perfectly blue skies, I wondered how this could feel like home, but how Delray also feels like home. The novel I am reading, makes me yearn for a life of "normalcy" but my life here is anything but that. This is the life I wanted after graduating from FSU. I wanted adventure. I wanted the unknown. I didn't want to feel safe or secure. I wanted life on the edge, and wanted to experience newness. Well, I've done that. And while I was out with Jenny and Shen Kai tonight having seafood hot pot, I realized that my mixture of emotions and feelings about leaving, and about this being home was confusing me. I think God is preparing me to come home. I'm in love with Kunming. It's been 2 and a half years here, and it is home. But, I'm excited about the next new adventure. The one that I'm not sure what is next. What job will I have? Where will I live? What car will I get? Will I move? Will I stay in Delray? How long will I be in the States? Is it forever? Is it only a period? I've decided not to worry. I'm not going to plan my future. I can't. I'm just going to keep going...thinking about the day in front of me, and perhaps the year. But, I can't plan anything forever. Forever scares me. I don't want to feel tied down or trapped yet. I might make decisions based upon that in the near future, but I'm just me and I suppose I'll deal with the "consequences" of those decisions. (Although, I have to say, I think that living like that is better than planning my life out til I'm in the grave...makes it more exciting...and it makes it feel like I can change the ending of the story or give it another twist at any moment).
So, phew. After my long-windedness, I'll conclude with this: this year is the year of the Dragon. Last year, was Rabbit year, my year. This year is the year of the Dragon and I'm feeling super confident that just like the dragon is perceived here in China (a good thing that chases away the lion--maybe fear in a figurative sense), this year will be a year change, full of risks and challenges, passion and enthusiasm and ambition.
