爱

爱

Sacrificial Patient

Hoping Praying Trusting

Covers over a Multitude of Wrongs

Love

好朋友

Hao Peng You=Best Friend

Who knew two years would make you someone's best friend? It has happened over and over again in my life though!

The most recent "best friend" is Jenny (Zhang Yi). She and I get together any chance we can. She is the sweetest girl I've met in China...my first local friend when I got here two years ago.

Jenny was born and raised in Kunming. She has lighter skin that most and beautiful eyes that are slanted to perfection! Her complexion is gorgeous and her dark features magnify her beauty. Jenny is beautiful inside and out. Her heart seeks justice and truth. She loves what is right and good and will only stand for those things. I have never once wondered or questioned her integrity.

Jenny plans on marrying Shen Kai (Dave) next March (even though her parents would rather have them wait until the summer). They have (unusually for Chinese people) bought an apartment that is being built, joining their money together to make things work; money they don't have! Most Chinese women would wait for the man to pay for the entire apartment before she'd even consider marrying him. Tradition! Tradition! (makes me think of Fiddler on the Roof, no lie)! Shen Kai is in the army and will have to live 10 hours away, a 200-300 yuan bus ride or train ride away. She will stay here, work (teach) and possibly raise kids (if they have any--we had that conversation tonight), while he works in the army until he gets discharged. ...That's in 2018! By then, she'll be 35 and they'll finally be finishing up their 2nd year of actually living in the same place during their marriage. ....Tough life!

We had a great dinner tonight--stinky tofu, beef with mint, cucumber and egg soup, and another purple veggie that is wild (not sure about the Chinese name, and I doubt it has an English one), and then she came over and showed me her wedding pictures that she and Shen Kai just had professionally taken. Our time together is precious and I really do consider her a best friend here. Sometimes, I'd rather hang out with her and get to know her heart and her thoughts, as opposed to being around "foreigners."

Tonight as she returned to her dorm, she texted me that she arrived safely and to have a good night. I said, "晚安! 好好梦." (wan an- good night! hao hao meng- sweet dreams)...to which she replied (in a very nostalgic tone) "I missed the day we study chinese together so much" (this was before shen kai was around--he was 10 hours away then, and she and I spent much more time together than we do now. Currently, I think I've been with JUST her ....one time! Tonight! The two of them are totally in love and always together. It's quite cute and comfortable, actually.... Not two minutes later she texted again, "You will leave next year but we are so busy this year. We need together more." :'( To these I wrote back, "Aww! Jenny, you are going to make me cry! I miss those days too. :-) I am so glad we are 好朋友! Let's try to hang out as often as we can. :-)" "Sure we can! Shen kai will leave after you! I will lost my 好朋友 and my husband at the same time so sad :-(" I took the opportunity given to me and told her I'd lift her up and ask that He would provide someone for her.

....This is just to remind you loner people out there that, ....you're not alone! AND take advantage of every moment with those around you, especially 好朋友们. You never know how long you'll have. :-)

Fu Nv

Technically, Fu Nv should be: Fu Nu with two dots on top of the u, but Chinese people would type it with a v to distinguish it, so I'll do the same.

It's Wednesday morning, and I'm forcing myself to get out of bed on my day off to go downtown to meet my Chinese teacher at Starbucks. I'm supposed to meet her at 10 and it's already 9:45. I'm still in my neighborhood, or xiao qu, and it takes a good 45 minutes to get downtown on the bus, which was my choice mode of transportation for the day.

I call her, "Ni hao! Wo zai gong gong qi che, ke shi, wo ying gai shi yi dian wan. Deng wo dao le de shi hou, wo gei ni da dian hua, hao bu hao?...Bu hao yi si!" (translation: Hi. I'm on the bus but I'll probably be a little late. When I arrive, I'll call you. Okay? Sorry...)

During the bus ride, I read a book, look out the window here and there or watch other passengers (I'm a bit ADD when I'm out in public...) and I arrange for an afternoon 'outing' amongst friends. (The 'outing' half-way fell apart while I was at class...long story)...

I arrive and I call her. I order a tall mocha latte "zai zhe li" (here). She comes in and we begin class. Meanwhile, the plans for the afternoon are falling apart and I'm a tad annoyed with text messages every 5 minutes!

In walks a foreigner that I've never seen before (there must be 1000 foreigners in Kunming...I'm always amazed when I don't know one though, considering I have connections to the vast majority of the families here through the school)...he's kinda cute too. Hmm...totally had ADD during class too.

Ready for the FU NV moment. Here it is. I tell her I'm going home for Christmas and I'm really excited. I'm buying the tickets hopefully tomorrow. It's really expensive "tai gui le!" ....and then BAM! Out of nowhere, she invites herself home with me for Christmas. AWKWARD! (and...actually, really odd in Chinese culture to do that...) So what do I say? NO? Um....??? This is what came out: "I think the visa will be hard" "What about your daughter? What will she do?" With both of my statements came responses that were still plowing through with determination to accompany me home for Christmas; my first Christmas home in two years!

I didn't give it much thought after that. I thought it was just part of the conversation, and she'd not mention it again except for, "Oh, I'd love to go to America! Wouldn't that be fun?!" BUT, I was wrong.

Skip forward to Saturday. Saturday morning I get on Skype. I have a message from Chen laoshi (Teacher Chen) and she's asking if it's really okay for her to come home with me. Do I agree? Can she stay at my house? She talked to the officials and the visa will be hard to get, but she'd do it if I said okay.

Oh dear. Panic. A tad bit of shock.

Typical Chinese woman? I don't really know. All I know is....weird. weird. weird.

In case you're wondering, she won't be on the plane from Beijing to San Francisco or the one from San Fran to Miami! She'll be in Kunming. With her daughter. Teaching other foreigners.

Too Many Thoughts

"You think too much"

:-/

I hear this a lot. From all kinds of people. It could be a positive thing, right?

What is being normal? That's my question today. I just don't think I've hit that mark. Not sure I ever want to...but I've got a feeling, that I don't quite fit the "norm"...

Oh, to have a chat with someone who has similar thoughts; to think together while drinking coffee... What joy that would bring me! ;-)

Your Love is Strong

My thoughts today (the nice, paraphrased version): Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? He created the stars in the heavens and knows how many grains of sand there are. Why do I think He can't direct my path and why don't I trust Him?

Father, help my unbelief!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=301S7NgAkLs

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

clock ticks

One of my most favorite things to do is look at old photos.

The problem with doing that?

I just want time to stop. I want the clock to rewind. I want to be in that moment again. I end up not being content where I am here and now.

I miss the people the most. I miss all the people that have been in my life at one point in time. They either aren't there and I have no clue where they are, I have no way to contact them, too much time has passed and if I contacted them it'd be kinda awkward, or...they are still a part of my life, and I'm so grateful that they are!

I miss the places too. I miss traveling all over the U.S. with student life. I miss Tallahassee and being at FSU. I miss eating at certain places, going to coffee shops, or parks...

I miss the laughter from those moments.

I've said it before, but I wish that all of those people and places were all in one place all at once.

The great thing about pictures, is they are!

Rong Rong and Bao Beir

I have a new friend!

Her name is Rong Rong!! She is from Shanxi. She's here in Kunming (one building over from me) watching her uncle's baby. She is also 23. She studied English when she was young, but found the grammar too difficult, and is now re-learning English with me. :-) We walk around the lake in the Xiao Qu (neighborhood) and she tells me chinese "da yu" and i say "big fish" or she (somehow--amazingly) remembered willow tree! i can't even remember the chinese...i think it's ....eh i forgot. Anyway, it's been a blast getting to know her.

Today, the weather was beautiful in Kunming. We had a half day at school, then a meeting, and then we were pretty much free to go early. I stuck around and got some things done until 5pm. By then, I was dying to be out in the sun, so I came home, grabbed a book, and took a walk around the lake. I was pretty positive I'd run into Rong Rong and Bao Beir (baby), and sure enough I did. They were feeding the "da yu" some bread. :-) We got to talking, and her uncle was with her. He invited me over for coffee (which--is kinda a joke...they only drink instant coffee here...tea is kinda the "thing"). I gladly went to their house for an hour, talked as much as I could, and listened too. The uncle's English is a little better than Rong Rong's. He knew the word for "map" as I was trying to tell him that right now my sister is in Trinidad...but I don't know how to say that. So in a round-about way, I told him...(in Chinese), "You know America and Canada are...uh...(I knew this isn't what they called North America, but I translated it that same way) North America? You know there is another America...a South America (they thought I was talking about my house...which is south in America (United States) (confused yet?)"....Anyway, I changed gears and went another route. "You know Hainan and Hong Kong? Those are "islands"....Trinidad is also an island. Then he thought I said Ireland. OH DEAR! ....After about 5 minutes of discussion, I finally pulled out my phone (remembering that I have the World Clock that shows a map of the world), and pointed to the ocean. Then they got my meaning!

I love it!

We made plans for me to make them pizza...and they will make me Chinese food. Sounds grand!

Lost Eyes

Conversations, people watching, overhearing conversations....I get the feeling that there is just a whole lotta lostness...everywhere! Conversations are empty and meaningless. Mothers worry about middle school daughters and the kids they hang out with. Fathers having affiars with other women, in front of their wife and kids, and nobody says anything. Eyes look blank. Fake eyelashes and talking about cosmetic surgery to have double eyelids and a higher, thinner nose. Why are the young people working so hard? The rich are snobby and rub in the fact that they have a higher education. The poor feel stuck (rightly so--here), and they live life like there aren't any consequences to their actions.

Often I'm afraid that as a foreigner here that I am percieved as one of those "snobby rich" types. I find that when I stop, smile (maybe laugh--'cause that happens often) and start to talk and ask questions, no matter which person it is, their walls come tumbling down...and I can see through it. The act. The facade. He sees and knows. It's so scary to let others in though...

I'm surrounded by lostness--here or at home. It just hits me here more often. Maybe because I'm out of my culture. When I'm home, I'm almost always surrounded by "sameness"...here I feel different, and observe the difference more carefully. I hurt. I noticed on my bike ride today that my head was in a knot. I had to massage it out, because I was about to cry for the random grandma walking down the street, carrying the baby strapped on her back, or for the young boy smoking a cigarette...even for the cute old man pushing his wife in a wheelchair around the neighborhood. So much lostness. Where are they going? What is their purpose? Who defines them? (actually--that would be culture--pop or traditional)...

What is hope for them? What are they hoping for? I know what they need (we all need)...Open their eyes, Jesus!

Friendships

As with any friendship, the longer you are friends, the closer you become. I have officially made it "in" here...

My friend Jenny and I had hot pot on Saturday evening...and she asked me to be in her wedding!! Chinese weddings aren't like American weddings. They are becoming more and more Western like, but...still not the same. Most brides wear a red dress, but Jenny will have a white one. The brides rent dresses, and the guys buy the tuxes (actually kinda makes more sense that way...). Jenny's boyfriend wants to buy her one online. Most brides also don't have any bridesmaids. They usually celebrate by having a big banquet dinner...and the few I've been to, a little ceremony. Then the bride and groom circle the room making toasts to each table, and by the end of the night, they are swhasted! I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, and I cannot even express how happy that makes me! :-) It is sure to be a one-of-a-kind experience!!