How do I put into words what I feel?
Sad. Confused. Excited about the possibilites. Open for new opportunities. Exhausted. I want home now. Tired of making mistakes. Lonely. Struggling with the rest of 'em. I'm not alone. He is with me. He is the bread of life. I get to share that. How amazing! Missing family. Missing friends. Missing home. Missing Christmas at home. Love teaching. Love the community here. Hard to get established. ...all at the same time. Love China. Love the people. Like the culture. Still adjusting to the food. Can't wait to see Midea. Can't wait to see Bo. Get to go to dinner with pondering Angelina tomorrow night. Had a feast last night. It was awkward. Chinese guy is interested. I'm not. What do I do? Still making mistakes culturally. I don't understand how though. I'm going to have to learn quick. This can't be happening. Ready for a break. In need of refreshment. Been probed by the "Juicy Fruit" lately (thanks Kirst for the ""). Words hurt. Words heal. He heals. Broken heart in need of mending. Every day is a new day. Mercy is new every morning. The sun will come out tomorrow! I have to say no to things. I haven't had a free night for two weeks. Exhausted. Did I say that already? Where do I fit in here? I want more. Father, I want more. Do I need less though? Do I need more? I want what I need. It's almost 2010! I'm teaching 2nd grade next year!! So much to do. What am I doing this summer? I miss Jamie. I want to talk with her. It's so hard to find time. My heart aches when I think about Jamie. Not for her. For me. For what I've done. I'm sorry. I feel like I've abandoned you. I love you. I have a limited time on earth. Am I wasting the opportunities that He gives me? Please don't waste them, Jessica! Know truth. Proclaim truth. Live by truth. It sets you free! I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from you, Maker of Heaven and Earth! Thank you.
it's so great to read your heart. Thanks for sharing, Jess. So pure. So honest. So moldable before the great Potter.
ReplyDeleteI think, Jessica, you are doing a fabulous job, and you definitely have your heart in the right place. But remember to give yourself some breathing room, some space...some grace. You are maybe too hard on yourself and expect too much of yourself. Slow down. Do less "doing" and perhaps more "being" and seeking. Hope you have an awesome Christmas in ShangHai. See you when you get back!
ReplyDeleteI miss you too but I am proud of you and what you are doing. I look up to you in everyway and am excited for the time when I get to come see you! Like Danelle I too like how I can read your thoughts, its hard being this far away for so long to feel close to you. Christmas, you were missed!! I love you!!!
ReplyDeleteLove Jamie