my rationale for this? if i stop dreaming, i'll die! i know there are realities and life isn't a fantasy, but seriously...let a girl dream! i don't want to "grow up"... that doesn't mean i don't want to get older, it means i don't want to lose the child-like faith. the faith that says, "i can do that, and nobody or nothing will stop me." i have to keep trusting in the hope that he's set before me.
it's weird actually, i feel like in the last month my brain has been slow, but at the same time, i've been thinking "weird" things. well, maybe not weird. just kinda sorta weird. like....i've never ever ever wanted to go back to school for a ph.d. but suddenly the other morning, i'm having this conversation and it's going like this, "well, if you want me to get it so that it enables me to do something great for you, i will. but what?" ....so i keep hoping. what's next?
another "weird" thing was waking up over spring break with a sudden idea for a children's book. still working out the plot in my head and haven't got it figured out. it's something i've wanted to do, but just figured one day, i'd wake up and have a brilliant idea. it kinda did seem like that (let's see. ha!).
perhaps all this "dreaming" is because i'll be heading home all too soon. i'll be leaving the people and places i've come to call home, to return home. though i'm excited to return home, i'm also scared of losing sight of this "dreamland" i've been living in for the past month or so. it seems like the possibilities are endless. what's next? who will i meet? where will i live? where will i go after this? will i go back to school? will i be back in china? is there a career change coming up?
although dreaming is fun, and it's keeping me going right now (avoiding the depressed feelings i would succumb to without feeling the hope of the future), i'm also scared of being labeled a "dreamer"... at some point, reality does have to meet the dreams. i just keep praying for a clear vision that will touch down on the runway -called life!
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