Hmmm...Here's me being transparent. Completely. I don't have anyone to directly share with right now...because it would kind of be embarassing to do. But to all of you...millions of miles away....here it is. Thank you for the release.
I have spent time alone (which my family could tell you that I often do anyway), but sometimes I don't exactly use that time wisely. I guess I would consider the time recently used for better purposes--self evaluation, prayer and reading. Hmm. Hard stuff! I don't think I do it enough. It has brought me to sobbing tears today. As I write my chin is quivering and my eyes are watery.
I was reading Jonah today (spurred to read it after reading "Your God is too Safe"--Chapter 4--TY Christa for the book!). One verse in particular hit me hard. It pierced my heart. Jonah 1: 12 says, "And he said to them, 'Pick me up and throw me into the sea. Then the sea will become calm for you, for I know that on account of me this great storm has come upon you.'" How often does our disobedience affect people around us? All the time! Every time. ...We arent' the only ones that are affected by our own selfishness...etc. I cried today because I know that my disobedience--deliberate disobedience has affected so many people around me. It's affected them all in different ways. They might not care that much. Some of them might be like, "Let's throw her out of the boat." Some are saying, "I don't want 'innocent' blood on my hands though!" Let's just get one thing straight. None of us are perfectly right. We do affect each other. I know there is grace--which also made me cry today. I just can't help but drop big tears and blow a snotty nose over those who I've hurt. Those who I have been a poor witness to. What if they never come to know this kind of love and LIFE? It's my fault! I know He's bigger than me--and can do the impossible. However, I have a responsibility to follow. Follow no matter what. I have a Father who loves me more than anyone ever could. He has once again extended His arm out to me and brought me back to Him. Thank you, Father.
Okay...(sigh), I'm tired and need sleep now. Or else there will be tears in the morning.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Skool Dayz
My name is Hanna my job is go to sckool. I am Jan my job is to be a techer. Yo my name is toto my job is to eat. What is your job for to day?
One student calls out, “teacher, teacher!” I look over and his foot is stuck in the chair and he’s trying to get out.
After reading a story about pumpkins and how they grow, the students were going to be assigned to write a sentence about one of the steps and draw a picture of that step. Before we let the students go back to their seats and begin working, we wanted to check for understanding, so we had the students help tell us how pumpkins grow. The last step is “eat and enjoy” (of course, right?)…well one student (a little boy) turns to another student (a little girl he happened to have a crush on) and said, “If you was a pumpkin, I would eat you up!” What is hilarious is he’s not from Georgia…he’s definitely an English Language Learner. Shame on us for speaking incorrect English that he gets to mimic. :-/
During thanksgiving time: “I love smashed potatoes!”
Working on vocabulary and using it in a sentence, “I have lived on earth for 8 years” and “Cheese is popular.”
I was acting as a bad kid in class while students were playing school. One child walked up and began to watch us play and said, “this is better than watching a movie!”
“Thank you for teaching us.”
“Miss Shoe, I liked when you taught us today. That was fun!”
“I want to move to Mrs. Lester’s group,” said one of my students.
“Why?” asked another girl in my group.
“…because Mrs. Lester is……and she has poofy hair!”
“That’s it? That’s the only reason?”
When you’re 100 years old, you know everything! (One 1st grader said while writing about what she’ll be like when she’s 100 years old).
NEEDS WANTS
A hug a kiss
food sushi
(this is a first grader...oh boy!)
Miss Papon asked the 1st graders, “What is the 1st thing you do when you’re in the bathroom in a lock-down drill. A student replies, “you pull your pants up!” with a serious face.
Hope you enjoyed stepping into a few of my humorous yet gratifing days as a teacher
One student calls out, “teacher, teacher!” I look over and his foot is stuck in the chair and he’s trying to get out.
After reading a story about pumpkins and how they grow, the students were going to be assigned to write a sentence about one of the steps and draw a picture of that step. Before we let the students go back to their seats and begin working, we wanted to check for understanding, so we had the students help tell us how pumpkins grow. The last step is “eat and enjoy” (of course, right?)…well one student (a little boy) turns to another student (a little girl he happened to have a crush on) and said, “If you was a pumpkin, I would eat you up!” What is hilarious is he’s not from Georgia…he’s definitely an English Language Learner. Shame on us for speaking incorrect English that he gets to mimic. :-/
During thanksgiving time: “I love smashed potatoes!”
Working on vocabulary and using it in a sentence, “I have lived on earth for 8 years” and “Cheese is popular.”
I was acting as a bad kid in class while students were playing school. One child walked up and began to watch us play and said, “this is better than watching a movie!”
“Thank you for teaching us.”
“Miss Shoe, I liked when you taught us today. That was fun!”
“I want to move to Mrs. Lester’s group,” said one of my students.
“Why?” asked another girl in my group.
“…because Mrs. Lester is……and she has poofy hair!”
“That’s it? That’s the only reason?”
When you’re 100 years old, you know everything! (One 1st grader said while writing about what she’ll be like when she’s 100 years old).
NEEDS WANTS
A hug a kiss
food sushi
(this is a first grader...oh boy!)
Miss Papon asked the 1st graders, “What is the 1st thing you do when you’re in the bathroom in a lock-down drill. A student replies, “you pull your pants up!” with a serious face.
Hope you enjoyed stepping into a few of my humorous yet gratifing days as a teacher
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I can almost smell it!
I miss home. As going about my day today, home was on my mind. As I folded laundry on my bed, I wanted mom to talk to and I wanted to be folding with her. As I thought about what to do about dinner (and having really no possible options), I missed mom's home cooked meals. I miss having noise in the house. I miss calling mom, dad or Jamie and talking about stuff randomly. I miss driving. I miss the grocery store (I saw it on Gilmore Girls last night and got really excited). I miss the ease of everything. I miss the beach (looks like I won't be going swimming, or maybe not even touching the sand--you have no idea how much that depresses me!). I miss Panera Bread (I think I've mentioned that a few times before)...I miss cleaning (we have a house helper that comes three times a week--what?!...I know, I know...but I really miss cleaning). I miss laying on the couch with family all in one room. I miss drinking daddy's sweet tea after he just sat down on the couch after a long day...haha. Love you dad! I miss pestering Jamie...trying to snuggle in bed with her and her finally getting so upset that she yells...haha. I miss Jared asking me to do something with him randomly. I miss the fridge being full of food most of the time...(it is rarely full here)...I miss the pantry (what is a pantry?!). I miss shopping. I miss just going and looking and trying on but not always buying. I miss just walking in the mall...just because. I miss dressing up and "looking cute" and going downtown with friends. I miss a lot. I miss people. I miss Grammy and Grandaddy being so close to home and riding mom's bike to their house. I miss family gatherings at their house. I miss Grammy's cooking too! Soon...I won't have to miss. I'm kind of worried that even though I'll be home, I'll still be missing all of these things in my heart. How does home do this to us? Love and miss everyone!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
You know you live in China....
...diarreaha has become a way of life.
...cars on the sidewalks seems normal.
...cars on the wrong side of the road seems normal.
...an errand that would take 20 minutes in the States takes 2 hours to do here (at least).
...when people talk about weird things they eat--and it's "normal".
...when children pee on the street.
...when on your way to school you hear 15 peoploe hawk up a loogie.
...when you see raw meat on the way to school.
...when you're sharing your bus seat with a chicken.
...when you see an entire family on a moped.
...when men are riding bikes together.
...when getting back home takes over 24 hours to travel.
...when you can't buy clothes or shoes because you're too big.
...when you get hollared at "hello" while riding your bike (my personal favorite--"hello laowai!" --out of a car. it means hi foreigner!...or that one time the little boy yelled, "Hello! I love you!" haha)
...when time is never really set (dad you'd fit right in here...you can always be late--except to work).
...when 12 people can eat a meal under 100 kuai ($15).
...when you go to the store and the wife charges one price and the husband charges another.
...when you can afford a house helper and a bike guard.
...when everyone is wearing heels while hiking (no lie!).
...when you become the tourist attraction.
...when a random person invites you into their house and treats you royally.
...when you send your kid out at night with no fear or reservations.
...when buildings are torn down to plant trees and trees are torn down to build buildings.
...when the trees have water IV bags hooked up to them.
...when the cars are on the sidewalk and people are on the street.
...when the public bus is only 1 kuai (14 cents).
...when going to the restroom is a social event.
...when you can eat a real hot dog.
...cars on the sidewalks seems normal.
...cars on the wrong side of the road seems normal.
...an errand that would take 20 minutes in the States takes 2 hours to do here (at least).
...when people talk about weird things they eat--and it's "normal".
...when children pee on the street.
...when on your way to school you hear 15 peoploe hawk up a loogie.
...when you see raw meat on the way to school.
...when you're sharing your bus seat with a chicken.
...when you see an entire family on a moped.
...when men are riding bikes together.
...when getting back home takes over 24 hours to travel.
...when you can't buy clothes or shoes because you're too big.
...when you get hollared at "hello" while riding your bike (my personal favorite--"hello laowai!" --out of a car. it means hi foreigner!...or that one time the little boy yelled, "Hello! I love you!" haha)
...when time is never really set (dad you'd fit right in here...you can always be late--except to work).
...when 12 people can eat a meal under 100 kuai ($15).
...when you go to the store and the wife charges one price and the husband charges another.
...when you can afford a house helper and a bike guard.
...when everyone is wearing heels while hiking (no lie!).
...when you become the tourist attraction.
...when a random person invites you into their house and treats you royally.
...when you send your kid out at night with no fear or reservations.
...when buildings are torn down to plant trees and trees are torn down to build buildings.
...when the trees have water IV bags hooked up to them.
...when the cars are on the sidewalk and people are on the street.
...when the public bus is only 1 kuai (14 cents).
...when going to the restroom is a social event.
...when you can eat a real hot dog.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
"Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore..."
Wow!
So today...I went out to dinner with a little girl that I teach at school (cute little Malaysian girl) and her mom with another teacher. We were at this nice little Italian restaurant, right?! Ok...well the owner/waitress/chef/bossy woman is kinda odd...she doesn't have the whole, "whatever the customer wants" mentality. I watched her turn away customers tonight. In case you're wondering, she's not Chinese, she's Italian. She makes all of her customers call in and reserve a table in her little, quaint restaurant (if you can call it that).
Well, so after thinking, "hmm...that was kinda pushy" or "why did she just say that? wouldn't you say something more friendly to ensure business?" She was kind of rude to the mother that I was with, and a little impatient. I understand somedays people have bad days and that effects how they interact with others...but seriously?!
Here's what finally pushed me over the edge: I asked the other teacher if we could yarp before our meal. She agreed that it would be a good idea to do with this mother and daughter and so we asked them if it would be alright. Then, the other teacher began to yarp--thanking Gd for this little girl, asking for peace with their move to another country in a few months, thanking Him for the time we had to spend with them, and finally blessing the food. In the middle of the reyarp, I heard the owners voice and could sense that she was beside me. She tried to interrupt, but was unsuccessful. As soon as we all were done and looked at her, she leaned over the table and said, "You should be thanking me for the food, 'cause I'm the one making it! And, don't ever do that again. Customers get annoyed with that." WOW!
Let's just say the table was quiet for a few minutes until the mother decided to confront the "elephant left at our table" and discuss it and move on...
So today...I went out to dinner with a little girl that I teach at school (cute little Malaysian girl) and her mom with another teacher. We were at this nice little Italian restaurant, right?! Ok...well the owner/waitress/chef/bossy woman is kinda odd...she doesn't have the whole, "whatever the customer wants" mentality. I watched her turn away customers tonight. In case you're wondering, she's not Chinese, she's Italian. She makes all of her customers call in and reserve a table in her little, quaint restaurant (if you can call it that).
Well, so after thinking, "hmm...that was kinda pushy" or "why did she just say that? wouldn't you say something more friendly to ensure business?" She was kind of rude to the mother that I was with, and a little impatient. I understand somedays people have bad days and that effects how they interact with others...but seriously?!
Here's what finally pushed me over the edge: I asked the other teacher if we could yarp before our meal. She agreed that it would be a good idea to do with this mother and daughter and so we asked them if it would be alright. Then, the other teacher began to yarp--thanking Gd for this little girl, asking for peace with their move to another country in a few months, thanking Him for the time we had to spend with them, and finally blessing the food. In the middle of the reyarp, I heard the owners voice and could sense that she was beside me. She tried to interrupt, but was unsuccessful. As soon as we all were done and looked at her, she leaned over the table and said, "You should be thanking me for the food, 'cause I'm the one making it! And, don't ever do that again. Customers get annoyed with that." WOW!
Let's just say the table was quiet for a few minutes until the mother decided to confront the "elephant left at our table" and discuss it and move on...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Changes...
So, I went back through and read some of my thoughts from months ago. It's crazy how we change...but if we don't think about it, we don't think we are changing. Sorry that I haven't written about anything real funny or what I'm doing from day-to-day. I guess life here has become more "normal" and things...even though they are interesting to me, I don't think they're special enough to share. Here's some of my thoughts lately:
I'm coming home this summer. I'm missing Jamie's 21st birthday. I'm glad I get to go to a wedding/ weddings this summer! I am not keeping up with friends as well as I should be. I really want to cook a good meal...but that's so complicated to do. Where is Publix? I really want a Rockin' Raspberry Fruit Smoothie from Tropical Smoothie. Wow, I knew I liked shopping, but I'm having withdrawals! Is that bad? I want a hair cut cause it's drivin' me crazy...but I want to grow it out again. Ahh...the beach is only a few months away (I went on the roof of the 14th floor this weekend to lay out...not quite the same). I miss people. I miss Tallahassee. I miss driving. I drank 8 20oz bottles of water today (is that normal? I'm still thirsty!). I'm reading Redeeming Love again...it's SO good! Who am I right now? I'm stressed. It's grading time again. Meetings 24/7 get old. It's already April! Where did time go? My bike still needs to be fixed... I just want to hang out downtown. It's been forever since I've been out of this neighborhood. I really like being outside when it's warm. Dance is fun, but do I really have to perform in front of all of my students' parents? Seriously?! I want to sit in the passenger seat of all of my friends and families cars and just talk...for hours. Road trip? I want to get dressed up and go out somewhere. I love Xiao Li, Xiao Liao, he Xiao Zhang...they're such good friends! I'm loving the conversations I'm having with people lately. I don't like routine...especially when it means that I routinely miss something else. There's so much to be done before next year. I need to clean out everything here...how do I accumulate so much junk? We only have 8 weeks left of school! It's almost been a year since I graduated. It's been over a year since the car accident. I like Korean and Japanese food a lot! My kids have grown so much! They're so smart now!! Time is going to fly this summer. I could eat a sub from...anywhere. I have to move before I leave China; our apartment is going to a family. Music is a gift from Gd. Thank you! I haven't talked to dad in awhile. Miss you, dad. I'm anticipating culture shock. I'm not really having it anymore here. Things are normal. What are conversations with people this summer going to look like? Will I shut down and not share? Am I going to throw my toilet paper into the trash can when I get home? ...that might be my biggest dilemma. I can't wait to go to chrch when I get home. I miss it. It's not the same here. Thank goodness for facebook, skype and e-mails. Why do I think so much? It's annoying sometimes. I just want to switch it off. Communication takes so much effort. So much listening. So much time. So much sharing. Communication is good, but hard. I get to teach tomorrow! And it's late...I'm going to bed. (Thanks for walking inside my head for a bit).
I'm coming home this summer. I'm missing Jamie's 21st birthday. I'm glad I get to go to a wedding/ weddings this summer! I am not keeping up with friends as well as I should be. I really want to cook a good meal...but that's so complicated to do. Where is Publix? I really want a Rockin' Raspberry Fruit Smoothie from Tropical Smoothie. Wow, I knew I liked shopping, but I'm having withdrawals! Is that bad? I want a hair cut cause it's drivin' me crazy...but I want to grow it out again. Ahh...the beach is only a few months away (I went on the roof of the 14th floor this weekend to lay out...not quite the same). I miss people. I miss Tallahassee. I miss driving. I drank 8 20oz bottles of water today (is that normal? I'm still thirsty!). I'm reading Redeeming Love again...it's SO good! Who am I right now? I'm stressed. It's grading time again. Meetings 24/7 get old. It's already April! Where did time go? My bike still needs to be fixed... I just want to hang out downtown. It's been forever since I've been out of this neighborhood. I really like being outside when it's warm. Dance is fun, but do I really have to perform in front of all of my students' parents? Seriously?! I want to sit in the passenger seat of all of my friends and families cars and just talk...for hours. Road trip? I want to get dressed up and go out somewhere. I love Xiao Li, Xiao Liao, he Xiao Zhang...they're such good friends! I'm loving the conversations I'm having with people lately. I don't like routine...especially when it means that I routinely miss something else. There's so much to be done before next year. I need to clean out everything here...how do I accumulate so much junk? We only have 8 weeks left of school! It's almost been a year since I graduated. It's been over a year since the car accident. I like Korean and Japanese food a lot! My kids have grown so much! They're so smart now!! Time is going to fly this summer. I could eat a sub from...anywhere. I have to move before I leave China; our apartment is going to a family. Music is a gift from Gd. Thank you! I haven't talked to dad in awhile. Miss you, dad. I'm anticipating culture shock. I'm not really having it anymore here. Things are normal. What are conversations with people this summer going to look like? Will I shut down and not share? Am I going to throw my toilet paper into the trash can when I get home? ...that might be my biggest dilemma. I can't wait to go to chrch when I get home. I miss it. It's not the same here. Thank goodness for facebook, skype and e-mails. Why do I think so much? It's annoying sometimes. I just want to switch it off. Communication takes so much effort. So much listening. So much time. So much sharing. Communication is good, but hard. I get to teach tomorrow! And it's late...I'm going to bed. (Thanks for walking inside my head for a bit).
Monday, April 5, 2010
Change by Bethany Dillon
My pockets are empty
Fear's such a thief
You know how that goes
I used to think
You couldn't love a mess like me
Then You came in so close
As my heart settles
You do the impossible
You change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Like a bullet in a wound
It needs to be removed
But only by You, only by You
And though I feel so stuck
The hope in Your eyes is enough
To change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Now that I see Your face
I'll never be the same
You change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Sin is so enticing sometimes. Thank goodness He comes near and draws us back to Him...even when we don't want Him to.
Fear's such a thief
You know how that goes
I used to think
You couldn't love a mess like me
Then You came in so close
As my heart settles
You do the impossible
You change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Like a bullet in a wound
It needs to be removed
But only by You, only by You
And though I feel so stuck
The hope in Your eyes is enough
To change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Now that I see Your face
I'll never be the same
You change me, You change me
Thank You, Jesus
I can see You change me
Sin is so enticing sometimes. Thank goodness He comes near and draws us back to Him...even when we don't want Him to.
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